Affection in the UK (Discussion #4)

Location: The Bobbin Pub, Aberdeen
Date: October 4th, 2018

         A friendly hug, kiss on the cheek, and "xxx" at the end of the a text message are all acts of affection that have very different meanings. University students in the UK, whether they are residents of the country or people from around the globe, have adopted certain unspoken rules of how someone should show affection or amiability to one another.

           During my club meetings or hanging out at The Bobbin with friends, I was able to feel my way around the social rules that dictate how someone can appropriately express friendliness or love to someone else. One rule that I learned is that a recipient of a text should always leave at least two or three kisses (i.e. "xxx") at the end of a message to show that it was well-meaning and in good intentions. If more is sent, then the recipient of the message should match the number of x's. If someone sends a message with no x's at the end, then the message can be interpreted as the sender is angry or upset at the recipient. I figured this out through the group chat that my entire flat has. Both my British and French roommate used this rule and helped me to clear up any confusion when they added "xx" to the ends of their messages. When I had forgotten to wash off the counter tops, their frustration was quite palpable through the lack of kisses left at the end of the message. An interesting note is that when communicating face to face, having literal kisses is not necessary as facial expressions and body language can help interpret the meaning behind words.

         Another unspoken rule was the way that people participated in and accepted invitations to social events. Scots, in particular, are not keen on showing physical acts of affection, such as hugging or kissing on the cheek. An acceptable way to show someone that they care about another is to invite them out to go get a drink. However, a friendly invitation is more than just trying to get to know someone. Declining to go out can be considered an insult, especially if the person is declining in favor of going with another group of friends or stay home. This is considered an affront because drinking has become a major part of the culture in Scotland. Not participating in the culture is similar to a shun in the United States. If a valid excuse isn't provided when the invitation is declined, then the attitude of the group towards the invitee becomes negative and the likelihood of them being invited out goes down. 

          Showing affection in the UK is not as cut and dry as in America, where the cultural signs of affection are more physical rather than subtle as other countries. After getting to know many people of many countries and backgrounds, I've learned a lot about how people express and recieve signs of friendship and love.